Thirty in 30

Ugh. I'm torn on this post - I want to do it, and I want to run and hide from the subject all at the same time. Yesterday marked 30 days until I turn thirty (if you count my birthday as a day). Thirty! That makes today 29 days until I can never be anything twenty ever again. Ugh. Double Ugh. Apparently, triple Ugh. I do not feel thirty. I don't think I look thirty (just don't disagree with me on this right now). I certainly am not who I thought I would be by thirty. And I don't fit the image in my mind of what thirty is.

Age has always been a funny thing. I've always felt older than I am, until about age 25 when suddenly I felt much younger than I was. The great majority of my friends are younger than me, yet they don't seem to be and I almost never think about it. One of my very closest friends is five years younger than me, but it only seems to come up when discussing cultural references. My own husband is two years younger than me. My parents are 11 years apart even.

I've been known to kind of freak out about my age every birthday since 25. Just ask hubby. There is usually a tearful couple of hours where I lament the passage of time somewhere in the weeks before Dec. 30th. I get crabby about it, go thru denial and then begrudgingly accept it. Last night when I announced my "30 in 30 days" realization to him and started getting sad, he said "Oh, is this when it is going to start this year?". I even spent a couple of years being "25 for the second/third/fourth time". This year, I am going to try really, really hard to own it. I may not have done everything I thought I would by this age, but I don't want to be who I thought thirty was either. So I'm making my own thirty.

I've also realized that with this ticking time bomb of being 29 - life is short and I don't want to keep saying or thinking "One day I'm gonna..." So, I have a few small personal goals I want to reach in the next 30 days. Just like that tv show "30 Days" I think if I really buckle down I can pull off some changes and come into thirty proud. Blogging about it here will hopefully hold me accountable. And I told a bunch of people about it to. So if you are one of those people, ask me how I'm doing - knowing you will ask will help motivate me to keep up with it.

1. I'm going to estalish a good workout regimen and finally tone up. When I turn 30 I want to feel confident and happy in a bikini. If I don't do it now, when am I going to do it? And excersize should just be part of the daily schedule, like showering, especially if I want to have this good habit as I get >wince< older.

2. I'm going to wash my face before bed every night. A small, simple goal to most of you probably. But Hubby and I usually drag ourselves to bed much too late and I never have the energy or the discipline to do this small thing. I go on kicks of trying to establish this routine, but I have never stuck with it. And maybe if I do, my skin will not look thirty.

3. I'm going to keep my car clean. I have always admired those people who have clean cars - inside and out. They are always vacuumed, wiped down, dusted, free of unreturned store items, junk mail and fast food bags. A thirty year old should have a clean car. Hubby is going to like this one.

So, they are small goals, admittedly, but they are things I've been meaning to do for a long, long time. I don't want to keep saying "One day", I want to walk out of my twenties with these three nagging items accomplished. I'll let you know how it went when thirty gets here. I hope it takes its time - I want to enjoy these last few days in my twenties.